this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
