its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
