Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
