hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
