I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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