I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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