OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
