so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
