You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
