also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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