Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
50% drunk capacity currently
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
