saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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