seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
