you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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