xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
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