Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
