My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
