last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
