Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
