I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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