dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize