She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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