He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
