I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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