Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
