dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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