I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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