I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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