Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
i think i just lost a toe
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
