i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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