you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
