So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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