where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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