im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
