I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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