I'm laying in your front yard are you home
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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