I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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