Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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