I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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