I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
