420 ftw
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I love having hate sex.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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