shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
