I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
