Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
