i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize