i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
