Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
