I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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