i was born a porn star she said
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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