Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
