He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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