idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
