i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
are you so shy because you have an std?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize