i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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