Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
