My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
