I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
