you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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