I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
