my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
my shit smells like andre
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
