I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Randomize
