Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I will pee on everything he values.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
