there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
