So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
