this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Buhtt sex?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
