i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
