the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize