If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
