I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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