Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize