wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
