I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize