she looked like the before picture.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
